Some days are not gentle. They are not poetic.
They are not meaningful in a soft, reflective way.
They are raw.
Unfiltered.
Uncomfortable.
Viciously real.
There are days when everything feels too much. Just can’t carry anymore sorts.
The constant giving.
The constant holding.
The constant adjusting.
And no pause. No break that actually feels like one. No space where I can just… be. The Remedials, The therapies etc. takes its space and toll.
Caring for a child who experiences the world differently is not always wrapped in patience and love.
Sometimes, it is frustration.
Sharp. Immediate. Uninvited.
Sometimes, it is anger—not at him, but at everything around it.
The way people judge, question, lack of understanding and even parents of other autistic children think my journey is just cake walk. Family that shows up to show off not to support.
And yes— there are moments
I don’t feel strong.
Moments where I feel tired in a way that has nothing to do with sleep. Where my mind wants silence, but my world does not allow it.
Where I want to step away—just for a moment—and not be needed. And the moment that thought appears… comes the guilt. Bang!!!
Immediate. Heavy. Relentless. Because how dare I feel this way? How dare I, when he needs me the most? But here is the truth—the one we don’t say out loud:
Love does not cancel out exhaustion.
Care does not erase anger.
Strength does not mean I don’t break inside sometimes.
This is not a perfect journey. It is not always graceful.
It is messy.
It is overwhelming.
It is brutally honest.
And maybe… that is what makes it real. Not the days when I get everything right. But the days when I feel everything— the good, the hard, the unbearable— and still show up.
Still stay.
Still try again.
Today, “V” is not for victory. It is not for validation. It is for the version of me that exists on the hard days. The one who feels it all— and doesn’t look away.
Because this journey is not always beautiful.
But it is mine.
And it is viciously real.
One alphabet at a time, we are growing together.
This blogpost is part of Bloghachatter A2Z Challenge 2026
link theblogchatter.com
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